Mr. Starchy Root's Theme Song
“Pumpkin to the Middle” — official biography track
Come back soon.
Come back soon.
Why I Need to Be Adopted Today
Three things that make me different from every other kid in the Patch.
- My shape is elongated oblong. It turns up exactly one time in the whole Patch, and that time is me.
- My leaves are shaped like a hand - broad 3-lobed. Out of all ninety-two of us I am the only one with leaves like mine. I get my own shade to sit in.
- My skin is light bumpy stripes, dense net-patterned netting, slight lines. Nobody else in the Patch feels like me. You have to touch me to know.
Verified against all 92 Pipsqueaks • Registry reading September 23, 2026
The Keeper of Novelty Hill
Mr. Starchy Root was named for a case of mistaken identity: when it was first found, an early green, bulbous oval in a weedy patch, it looked like an oversized potato or taro root. Today it reads as deep matte forest-green base with dense yellow speckled mottling, fine waxy crackle reticulate netting. It weighs 3.30 lbs at the latest reading. No parent vine has been identified, so it is recorded as a volunteer. It grows in the Patchrealm of Novelty Hill, and it is looking for somebody to take it home any time.
Before you decide
There is a lot of family out here. If Mr. Starchy Root is not the one, one of these might be. Look for the sign, then look for the sticker.
