McClane's Theme Song
“McClane Holds the High Post” — official biography track
Come back soon.
Come back soon.
Why I Need to Be Adopted Today
Three things that make me different from every other kid in the Patch.
- I do not even live on the ground! I grow high up on the wooden trellis. Only two of us out of ninety-two live up in the air like that.
- My leaves are palmately lobed 5-lobe deep sinus serrated - Cucurbita pepo type. Out of all ninety-two of us I am the only one with leaves like mine. I get my own shade to sit in.
- My skin is lightly fuzzy, faint bumpy stripes, smooth. Nobody else in the Patch feels like me. You have to touch me to know.
Verified against all 92 Pipsqueaks • Registry reading September 11, 2026
The Keeper of the Perimeter
McClane honors John McClane protecting good guys from high tower; pumpkin guards The Perimeter Entry Trellis high up, Ward Family Rescue Hobart WA - Yippee-ki-yay not Nakatomi. Today it reads as deep mottled green with pale green striations, fine white pubescence, matte finish, white label sticker. It weighs 0.33 lbs at the latest reading. It came up on plant No. 12 along the Perimeter. It grows in the Patchrealm of the Perimeter, and it is looking for somebody to take it home any time.
Before you decide
There is a lot of family out here. If McClane is not the one, one of these might be. Look for the sign, then look for the sticker.
