Son of Sir Loin of Fare's Theme Song
“Son of Sir Loin of Fare” — official biography track
Come back soon.
Why I Need to Be Adopted Today
Three things that make me different from every other kid in the Patch.
- I hang off my vine right next to Alice, and she is my adopted mum. No one else here got to grow up beside someone else’s mum.
- My shape is round-oval. Only two of us are built this way.
- My skin is fine velvety fuzz, soft bumpy stripes, 5-6 lines barely visible, dense speckled netting. Only two of us feel like this. You've got to have a feel to know.
Verified against all 92 Pipsqueaks • Registry reading August 26, 2026
The Keeper of Shallow Taproot Island
Son of Sir Loin of Fare honors his late father Sir Loin of Fare, the brave knight of Shallow Taproot Island, now raised by adopted mum Alice (Marcia^3) to carry the Fare punk lineage for Ward Family Rescue. Today it reads as bright lime-green speckled stippled with pale yellow-green mottling and fine velvety fuzz, dense trichomes, glossy dewy. It weighs 0.42 lbs at the latest reading. No parent vine has been identified, so it is recorded as a volunteer. It grows in the Patchrealm of Shallow Taproot Island, and it is looking for somebody to take it home any time.
Before you decide
There is a lot of family out here. If Son of Sir Loin of Fare is not the one, one of these might be. Look for the sign, then look for the sticker.
The Fare Clan
The Fares are the punks of the Patch. Most of them came up on Shallow Taproot Island, the weedy, fence-lined corner beside 206th Street, and many have no parent vine anyone can name. Their name started with a sticker that asked, “Bred or Fare?” Out by the thoroughfare a pumpkin can watch the traffic roll by, or keep company with Louie, the Rescue’s beloved horse and our very own ThoroughFare.
That is why they are scrappy, a little surly and proudly un-fancy: small green defenders of the Ward Family Rescue, bred for fare, not fear. Punks do not care much for royalty, so even the clan’s duke, Wellington, is named for Beef Wellington. Smashin’ calls himself the leader. The rest of the clan has opinions about that.
The whole clan